i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
