lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
