I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
