just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
