How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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