Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
