I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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