i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
