my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sext me about skeletons
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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