She even gives head with a lisp.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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