Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
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Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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