Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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