i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
