good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
