I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
