dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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