I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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