Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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