I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
