Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
