paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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