I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
