how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
