I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I need a burrito and a hug.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
