I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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