Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
