Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
