The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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