There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i would punch a child for taco bell
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
only if we run a train.
done.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
