last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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