I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
