i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
