Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
