And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
