I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
