R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
