WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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