Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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