loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ugly people sure do ruin things
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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