i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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