i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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