one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think i have herpe
just one?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm just crazy horny about you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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