see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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