Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
