So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
