so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
