Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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