Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
try to milk me bitch
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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