Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
