How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
