my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
