He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.