Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.