i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.