Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
