Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
