Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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