are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
