Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize