Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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