I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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