I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
